No doubt, everyone loves to barbecue. But, when you think of places that combine an outdoor party and cooking over fire, you usually think of places like Texas and Louisiana, not Seattle. But we have our own take on things here. Yes, there's lots of salmon and heavy craft beer, but there's so much more to it.
You see, when the sun comes out in June and we emerge from our grey-sky induced hibernation, we are ready to get down to business. For the rest of the year, we are socially reserved, we eat raw organic food, we sit in front of computer screens, and fret about the sorry state of politics.
But in summer, we look around and realize we live in the most beautiful place in the world. We hike, we bike, we call in sick to work. We reestablish ties with our friends and neighbors. We throw out our dour emo music, crank up the AC/DC and stand around a smoker of pork ribs while drinking 8 or 10 beers.
The idea for this blog came to us after we realized that the first four sunny weekends of the year, we were lucky enough to be fed meat and gotten good and drunk by our friends at least five times. We began to see, with a little diligence and training, we could keep this up all summer long. And we intend to document every last sausage we grill, every pony keg we empty, every backyard deck we stumble off of, and every potato salad we snarf.
But lest you think us mere drunken party crashers, slackers with nothing better to do than mooch off our friends, here is what we offer: continuous quality improvement.
The entire community benefits by having the bar constantly raised. Hosts will be graded and those grades will be made public. Ratings will be out of a total 18 points and will be given on a 0-2 scale for each of the following elements:
1. Quality of grilling gear. This doesn't mean simply the most expensive stainless steel gas grill from Home Depot is gonna win. Any afficianado knows there are special applications for charcoal and smokers.
2. Quality of meat. Ballpark franks are good. We like Ballpark franks. But flank steak marinated for two days in Teriyaki sauce is also good. Tandoori chicken might also be good. A whole pig with an apple in its mouth might score you a full 2 points.
3. Alcohol. Again, a cooler of Rainier might be just the thing if it suits the particular vibe of the party. But a watermelon full of rum would be a Special Thing.
4. Side dishes. Please, a QFC container of warm pasta salad is a perfectly fine thing to bring over on your way to a last minute get together, but, in our opinion, there exists a big opportunity here to improve upon on past performances.
5. Crowd. Generally, the more the merrier. But if you invite your manically depressed goth friend who's just gonna roll their eyes at us because meat is murder, you're gonna lose points. If you and are at the same barbecue, I expect that you, like me, know the joy of inhaling combusted flesh and you want to be there.
6. Music. I am still surprised by the number of barbecues I go to where the music is absent, or worse, poorly thought out. Be careful. No one thinks Duran Duran is ironic or funny anymore. Everyone is sick of that Thievery Corporation song. You know the one.
7. The setting. Now, I am not saying that my friends who live in tiny apartments with small balconies can't win this thing. What I am saying is that if you have a huge deck with a view of the water and a fire pit, you damn well better be cooking out every night and you damn well better be inviting us over.
8. Dessert. There are so many good options here and I expect this is where the competition will be won and lost. For so many parties, dessert is an afterthought. Everyone's been well fed and drunk by the time the coals burn out so it's hard to mount the effort. But god damn I am impressed by the host that can put together a fresh baked cherry pie or some home made ice cream.
9. Do we like you? Are you cool? Can you entertain with grace and control? Did you have a good time? If you're an asshole, I might still be coming over to steal your alcohol and food, but I'm under no obligation to give you these two points.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Who the hell are these lazy pricks coming over to mooch off me? Let's remind everyone that we held two of the first three parties this year and fun was had by all. If you need help with your set up, your food, or you just want a little pre-barbecue consultation, we are here to help. Matt's got the extra chairs and I bake a mean peach pie.
Ladies and gentlemen, start your barbecues.
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